Are you there god? It’s me, Susan

Happy and healthy New Year, Mermaids! I wish you all wonderful things for 2017.

I would like to say good riddance to 2016. It wasn’t the best year for me, but it ended in a wonderful way. Michaela graduated a semester early from The George Washington University with a double major in Political Science and Communication. She graduated with highest honors, Summa Cum Laude, and honors in both her majors. We are beyond proud. Max, who is a senior in high school, is waiting patiently to find out where he will attend college in the fall. We cannot wait to find out!!

Between all the studying, college applications, jobs, and my health, it’s been a bit stressful for my family. What to do?
I decided it was time to go to my happy place. That place is Walt Disney World. We have been many times before, and this trip brought back many happy memories, especially for Mark and I. We had a great time, and it was the perfect way to end the year. Now, back to reality. 

Last week I had my bone and CT scans. I wasn’t really sure what to expect, but I had an idea something was not right. I lost quite a bit a weight again in a short period of time, and I just wanted to sleep. Hmmmm…..

I met with Dr. M two days after the scans. Unfortunately, the tumors on my liver are growing and multiplying….ugh! Dr. M made mentioned how I always know what is going on with my body. Sometimes I wish I was wrong.

I was taken off the Eribulin (chemo), and began a new type of treatment called a PARP Inhibitor. I take 8 pills in the morning, and 8 pills in the evening. If you would like to learn more about PARP inhibitors, please go to my Facebook page. I have a little video posted from Dana-Farber which explains the treatment:

I am of course disappointed with these latest scan results. I start questioning why my treatments do not last very long. After discussing this with Dr. M, I turned to my spiritual side.

I am not a religious person, but I do believe in God, and have nightly conversations. These conversations happen when I am in bed, and they involve thanking and begging. I speak not only of myself, but family and friends, too. Some may refer to these conversations as prayers. 

I also have conversations with my mom and dad, who I miss dearly. I believe they can hear me, as does God. I also believe that no matter how often I ask them to make me healthy, it may not happen. It might not be in the cards, and I am at peace with this. 

For now, I will take this new drug, and hope it helps with minimal side effects. I will continue with my nightly conversations and, as always, keep on living. I have many happy events in this new year.


12 thoughts on “Are you there god? It’s me, Susan

  1. Pingback: Weekly Round Up: The Mixed Feelings Edition | Journeying Beyond Breast Cancer

  2. Beautiful Susan! Thanks again for sharing. And I didn’t realize all your daughter had accomplished already. That’s truly incredible. She is obviously a warrior just like you. I’ll keep you in my conversations with God, too. L’chaim!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Susan, We read your news with mixed emotions. We are so proud of Michaela and her tremendous accomplishments, with more to come we think. Max is likely to be a shining star as well. We hope your latest treatment will be effective, and that 2017 will bring much happiness to you and your family. We love you all, Susan

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Susan, It is a love/ hate relationship for me when you have scans. I wait anxiously to find out the news and obviously I am very sorry to hear that you didn’t get good news. I know Dr. M always is a few steps ahead in her plan and she will do her best to keep different treatments coming. However, if there is actually a God, then please, please, please do me a favor and make Susan well!! I trust your doctor, but any help will be appreciated! You have been so strong and I am so proud of you. You have always remained positive and I know your fighting spirit is there, so bring on the PARP inhibitor:) Love you with all my heart.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Susan, I was saddened to hear about your latest scans. That said, I hope the new treatment works and offers little in side effects.

    Loved hearing about about Michaela and her accomplishments, you must be so proud!

    Love the pic!

    Wishing you peace and strength.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Susan,
    My name is Andrea, i am a friend of your sister Cheryl. We have been friends since the 80’s. Whew – long time! i have been following your story all along. Cheryl asked me early on to please pray for you – which I have. Answers…ugh. It was this way for my family about 5 years ago when my Mom was diagnosed with Stage 4 Stomach cancer. The doctors gave her realistically 2 months… Mom never wanted to know what they said..she knew…she knew that it was between her and God – just as you know as well. I am pleased to say we had 7 wonderful month with Mom. I bring this up not to compare but to give you some (I pray) strength and hope. I am a woman of faith myself and when Mom got sick I decided not to go to the “why” place or the mourn her while she was alive place either.

    I elected to praise God if I got one more moment, one more hour, one more week, month or even a year or more. I’m glad I settled that in my heart because it allowed me to be able to really visit with my Mom and love on her as I needed to.

    Susan – know this – you have a purpose on this earth and much of that seems to be your strength and ability to walk this thing out with resolve and joy in knowing it’s in Gods hands. You are a great example of someone who will not allow her fear to clobber her faith. I admire that very much.
    Please always remember – especially on harder days – there there are many many members of your “other” family here in Texas sending you prayers, love and support!

    Praying today for a great day, then tomorrow – rise and repeat! AMEN.

    Liked by 1 person

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