Tired… Physically and of Cancer

Today I took the day off… from doing anything. I didn’t shower, stayed in my pajamas, and didn’t make the bed. I ALWAYS make my bed. Today, I just didn’t have the energy, and that’s okay.

I was seen by my nurse practitioner last week for a regular checkup and blood work. According to my blood work it appears my red blood count cells are on the low side. We think this may be from one of my medicines and why I feel such fatigue.

I was told to take a five day break from this medicine in hopes that the low counts would rise, but during this break I actually started feeling worse.

I recently had an appointment with my endocrinologist to check on the thyroid cancer. All is fine, but while I was there, I asked to have blood work done to see what the heck is going on with the red blood counts. Turns out they didn’t rise, they didn’t go down, but remained the same. Hmmm…. we will definitely be monitoring this situation in case I need a blood transfusion.

Because of the red blood counts being low, I am very tired and weak and it’s difficult to do things. This week, showering used up a lot of my already low energy. I have to sit down and rest when I get out of the shower before I get dressed. Going up the stairs wipes me out as well as do many activities. Thankfully, for some of these activities my awesome family picks up the slack.

I feel terrible about not feeling well this week. Max is on his spring break and I wanted to cook some of his favorite meals. Instead he needed to help me. Michaela and Mark too.

Mark knew I was upset about not feeling well and gave me a great big hug. I gave him a good cry. I needed a release. I’m tired of living with metastatic breast cancer. I’m tired of feeling like shit. I’m tired of having to go to Dana Farber all the time. I’m tired of being sick and tired.

Boy, that felt great to get off my chest. I feel so much better emotionally after having that cry with Mark. I find a good cry to be very cathartic. If you need a release, try it. I bet you’ll feel better.

The treatment I was on prior to this one was very tolerable. I felt as if I didn’t have cancer while I was on it. I had an appetite and lots of energy. I felt invincible. Unfortunately, like many of my treatments, it stopped working.

In two weeks I will know if my present treatment is working. I will be getting scans and will meet with Dr. Mayer. While I certainly hope the scans look good, I dislike very much being on this treatment because of the way it makes feel.

As for the squiggle in my brain, we still do not know what it is. I had an MRI recently, and the squiggle appears smaller. We’re doing a wait and see approach with another MRI in seven weeks to see if it’s still shrinking.

Thank you my dear Mermaids for letting me do some venting. Metastatic breast cancer sucks, but my life is wonderful. I will continue marching forward….unless it takes too much energy, then I’ll walk.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

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18 thoughts on “Tired… Physically and of Cancer

  1. I am so sorry that you regimen is so harsh. I am almost 3 years into a stage 4 colorectal diagnosis after being told I did not have cancer. I am currently being treated with Opdivo which is an immunotherapy drug. I’m tired but not in the same way as chemo made me feel. My last scan was labeled pseudo progression because initially it is hard to discern if the increase in tumor size is because the therapy is working or an actual increase in the cancer. I have been complimented by medical and civilians including my counselir for my “strong way of coping” but this one is very difficult to wait out. My engineer husband is having an even harder time-as he has all along. He’s been here every step of the way after an international career. So how do you maintain your sanity? Wallow for a while and let it go? What does your husband do for his sanity? I think of you often and keep you in my heart.

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    • Hi Pam. I’m happy to hear you are not alone in this, and have a husband who is there every step of the way, but I’m sad he he is having a hard time coping. Although cancer is a very big part of my life, It doesn’t define who I am. I usually do not get upset about having cancer, but when I do, I wallow for a bit, and then move on. My husband and kids are great caregivers, but they all have their own lives. We use a lot of humor to get us through the tough times. Mark, like myself, doesn’t let the cancer interfere with living life. I hope the Opdivo is working and that you have many happy days ahead. Take care. ❤

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      • Thanks Susan. Seems like we have similar ways of coping. Give it some attention but don’t let it rule.I suspect my husband loves engineering because it is concrete and has clear answers. Of course control goes out the window with cancer. I have heard so many sad stories of people who bail when cancer arrives. That seems almost worse than the cancer diagnosis sometimes.

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  2. Do you mind if i ask what treatment you are on? My first line of treatment just stopped working and i am fretting about potential side effects with whatever comes next. Ibrance was so easy for me and I’ll miss it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Alisa. Ibrance landed me in the hospital. We all react differently to our treatments. Currently I am taking Afinitor and Tamoxifen. Please don’t fret about possible side effects, your oncologist usually can help you tolerate the treatment you will be on. All the best to you.

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      • So sorry for everything. I am very knowledgeable in alternative medicine. There is so much out there. The chrisbeat cancer.com videos are a great place to start. Whole food organic diet. I am not a practitioner only an rn who could refer you to some wonderful things.
        No worries if not interested. Best wishes in whatever you chose.

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  3. Hi Susan,
    I am sorry this treatment makes you feel so poorly. I sure hope it’s doing its job! Very glad you have such a supportive, loving family – including that adorable Wally. And I’m sure your son was content just spending time with you during his break, and btw, I am a big believer in the value of a good cry now and then. Hoping those upcoming scans turn out well. In the mean time, do what you can, when you can. And I just love the photo. xx

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    • Thank you for the kind words, Nancy. Today, I have taken a turn for the better. My family is awesome and I am so fortunate to have them as my caregivers. Yes, Max was just happy spending time with me, but as a college student, he couldn’t wait to return to school. Wally is a wonderful companion and he helps me to get through the tough times and enjoy the good. I enjoy see photos of your pets. How comforting they are. Take care. 💕💕

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  4. Susan, I’m sorry to hear how this treatment is making you feel. I wouldn’t feel bad about Max having to help you, it will be a memory he cherishes. I think it is great you all use humor, it can be very healing and helpful with coping with any stressful situation. Also glad you were able to have a good cry, those are also helpful! Wally is adorable, I know he’s been with you too through all of this. I am hoping you start to feel at least a little better. Wishing you peace and strength.

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