My Cancer Tribe

Cancer sucks! There really is nothing great about it. However, I always try to find the silver linings and share them with you all. Here’s another: Friends.

I am fortunate to have friends who provide support, encouragement, help and love. I have had many of these friends before I had cancer and I’ve met many new friends since my diagnosis. Some with cancer, some not.

When you have cancer, or any health issue, it’s comforting to speak to others who share a similar experience. There is so much information to share with one another and these friends have an understanding what it is like living in Cancer Land.

Colleen and Anne are two wonderful friends I met a few years ago because we share something in common…..Breast Cancer. Colleen has Metastatic Breast Cancer and Anne, thankfully is NED (no evidence of disease).

Conversing about treatments, ports, oncologists, side effects, blood counts, etc. with one another sure was, and still is helpful. It’s nice that we all live in the same town or are just a text away.

I belong to many Cancer groups on social media and have made many new friends who I have not yet met in person, but have developed nice relationships with. We also share information concerning our disease.

I like this silver lining. It’s always nice meeting new people.

This past week I visited with my Radiation Oncologist, Medical Oncologist, Cardiologist and Endocrinologist. All is good except for low red blood counts.

I will probably be getting a blood transfusion this Thursday. This will be great timing because I will need all my energy to enjoy my vacation. Yep, Mark and I will finally be jetting off to Las Vegas.

I would like to share with you all about our vacation when we return, but what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

Have a wonderful Fourth of July!

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A is for Afib, B is for Brigham’s, C is for Clinical Trial

I’ve been wanting to write a new blog post for a while now, but I couldn’t find the time…or I was just too tired. Now is a good time. I’ll be waiting 2 hours for blood from the blood bank, and then will sit for another 2 hours, while it flows through my veins.

Today is a gorgeous one and I would rather be outside planting flowers than getting a blood transfusion. This will be my second one in two weeks.

Three weeks ago, I began a phase 1 clinical with high hopes. After beginning the drugs I started noticing side effects. My vision was wonky, I had no appetite, I was tire, weak, and, most frightening of them all, palpitations and a racing pulse.

During one of my Dana Farber visits, I had an EKG. During this procedure, it was determined I was in AFib! What? I was brought over to Brigham and Women’s hospital.

I was in the Emergency Department for 5 hours receiving IV and oral medications to slow my heart rate……nothing changed! I was admitted.

I met with a team of Cardiologists during my stay and had blood work and some tests. Some blood work was repeated from my DFCI visit. I was showing very low platelets and Neutropenia (very low white blood counts). Not good!

What was causing all this? I was hoping it wasn’t the trial medications, but I did blame them because what else could it be? The cause of the Afib was not caused by the trial medications. The low blood counts, weakness, vision disturbances and other side effects were from the trial medications. So what did cause the Afib?

Afib can be caused by many things such as heart disease and medications. The Cardiologists are not quite sure with me, but think it could be high doses of thyroid medicine. They wanted to put me on a blood thinner because Afib can cause strokes and blood clots, but with my platelets being so low, they cannot. I will be visiting with a Cardiologist in a few weeks and hope to have answers to my many questions.

I bet you’re wondering about the clinical trial. I was dropped! I’m happy I did not have to make the difficult decision to continue on the trial or stop due to all the side effects. The Afib made the decision for me. I guess one of the trial requirements is not to have Afib.

As for my next treatment, all will be decided next week when I meet with Dr. M.

With all the nasty stuff going on, there has been good stuff too. Max finished his very successful first year at UMASS and is home for the summer. Michaela will be attending Boston University School of Law in the fall and is currently checking out apartments. This will be the last summer we are all together under one roof. Once my blood counts wiggle their way up and I’m feeling well enough to travel, Mark and I plan on jetting off somewhere to spend time alone.

See, my life isn’t so bad. It’s all about perspective.

Superstitions & MBC

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed people reach a certain age and want to stop acknowledging their birthday because it indicates they’re getting older. But, I’ll tell you what, it’s a privilege denied to many. Birthdays are special and everyone should celebrate being a year older. Having a birthday means I’m alive and that makes me happy.

For the last 5 years while having MBC my husband, Mark, has offered to throw me a birthday party, with a special one when I turned 50! I always enjoy celebrating with family and friends, but this past February I decided I didn’t want a party this year. Why? Well, I became superstitious.

I realized after each party, I had scans within the following weeks. They always came back with the cancer progressing! The coincidence that my health always took a decline after a birthday party led to my concern that if I had a party this year, my health would decline. So this year there was no cake, food, drinks, music or trivia.

So, after not having a party this year, did my health decline? Well, it’s a little confusing. My scans looked good, but I felt awful. I was suffering from severe fatigue and weakness, terrible pain in my legs, no appetite, and a slight rash. I’m not sure what to think about not having a birthday party. If I had one would the scans have showed progression? But even with no progression in my body, the way I was feeling was declining due to the side effects from my treatment.

I had scans again last week and for the most part they looked good with the exception of one lesion on my liver which has more than doubled in size. Dr. M decided to take me off my treatment due to the lesion growing and terrible side effects. I’m relieved.

Next up will be a clinical trial for me. This one is a phase 1 clinical trial going on at Dana Farber and Mass General Hospital. This trial consist of two medications. The first is Ribociclib: a hormonal-based therapy, FDA approved, and comes in pill form. The other medication is PDR001: an antibody. PDR001 is not FDA approved and is being tested to see if it will allow the body’s immune system to work against tumor cells. This is known as immunotherapy. This treatment will be done through infusion.

I feel very fortunate to be at Dana Farber with access to clinical trials and I am thrilled that I received the one slot left to participate in this clinical trial. I’m also a bit nervous due to potential side effects, but I am hoping for a positive outcome!

So the question remains, will I have a birthday party in 2019? I’ll let you know next year.

Tired… Physically and of Cancer

Today I took the day off… from doing anything. I didn’t shower, stayed in my pajamas, and didn’t make the bed. I ALWAYS make my bed. Today, I just didn’t have the energy, and that’s okay.

I was seen by my nurse practitioner last week for a regular checkup and blood work. According to my blood work it appears my red blood count cells are on the low side. We think this may be from one of my medicines and why I feel such fatigue.

I was told to take a five day break from this medicine in hopes that the low counts would rise, but during this break I actually started feeling worse.

I recently had an appointment with my endocrinologist to check on the thyroid cancer. All is fine, but while I was there, I asked to have blood work done to see what the heck is going on with the red blood counts. Turns out they didn’t rise, they didn’t go down, but remained the same. Hmmm…. we will definitely be monitoring this situation in case I need a blood transfusion.

Because of the red blood counts being low, I am very tired and weak and it’s difficult to do things. This week, showering used up a lot of my already low energy. I have to sit down and rest when I get out of the shower before I get dressed. Going up the stairs wipes me out as well as do many activities. Thankfully, for some of these activities my awesome family picks up the slack.

I feel terrible about not feeling well this week. Max is on his spring break and I wanted to cook some of his favorite meals. Instead he needed to help me. Michaela and Mark too.

Mark knew I was upset about not feeling well and gave me a great big hug. I gave him a good cry. I needed a release. I’m tired of living with metastatic breast cancer. I’m tired of feeling like shit. I’m tired of having to go to Dana Farber all the time. I’m tired of being sick and tired.

Boy, that felt great to get off my chest. I feel so much better emotionally after having that cry with Mark. I find a good cry to be very cathartic. If you need a release, try it. I bet you’ll feel better.

The treatment I was on prior to this one was very tolerable. I felt as if I didn’t have cancer while I was on it. I had an appetite and lots of energy. I felt invincible. Unfortunately, like many of my treatments, it stopped working.

In two weeks I will know if my present treatment is working. I will be getting scans and will meet with Dr. Mayer. While I certainly hope the scans look good, I dislike very much being on this treatment because of the way it makes feel.

As for the squiggle in my brain, we still do not know what it is. I had an MRI recently, and the squiggle appears smaller. We’re doing a wait and see approach with another MRI in seven weeks to see if it’s still shrinking.

Thank you my dear Mermaids for letting me do some venting. Metastatic breast cancer sucks, but my life is wonderful. I will continue marching forward….unless it takes too much energy, then I’ll walk.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

What’s In A Number?

Most times when I have an office visit at Dana-Farber (an appointment with the doctor, prior to receiving treatment, on scan-day, etc.) I have blood work done. Before you can receive your cancer treatment, whether it’s a chemotherapy infusion or an oral chemo/medication, you need blood work done. These tests check your white and red blood counts, platelets, liver and kidney functions, and mineral/electrolyte levels.

Oncologists also check tumor markers via blood tests. A tumor marker is a biomarker found in the blood which can be elevated by the presence of one or more cancers.

If the numbers for these tests are not in the normal range, your treatment may be delayed. For instance, if your red counts are very low, you might need a blood transfusion before you can continue treatment. If your white counts are very low, you will have to delay treatment until they rise. If this happens you often need to take Neulasta or Neupogen injections to raise the white counts.

Testing tumor markers intrigue me. Usually, when treatment is working, my tumor markers go down. When treatment stops working, my tumor markers go up, which is confirmed by scans.

My current treatment is a combination of Afinitor and Tamoxifen. I hate the side effects of this combo… but for now the scans show the combo is working. However, the tumor markers tell a different story.

My tumor markers have been very high on this treatment, which worries me. I’m due for scans in early April and am anxiously waiting for the results. My oncologist told me not to worry. The scans tell the whole truth, not the tumors markers.

On the topic of scans…I recently had a follow-up brain MRI to recheck a spot found on a previous MRI. Guess what? No one knows what the heck it is. My radiation oncologist calls it “ambiguous” due to its shape. We are taking a wait and see approach with another MRI in a month.

Oh well, I have learned there is always something when living with metastatic breast cancer. I guess this makes life exciting, but not always in a good way.

Planning, Oy Vey

You know what I hate about Metastatic Breast Cancer? Well, just about everything, but today I will focusing on planning.

Planning vacations, lunch dates, events, etc. are difficult to do when you have an illness. One never knows how they will be feeling on those days.

I have cancelled so many lunch dates with friends recently due to fatigue. We reschedule, but I always feel terrible having to do this. We all have busy lives and getting together can be challenging. Thankfully, my friends understand.

Vacations are the absolute worse to plan. Don’t get me wrong, I know how fortunate I am to go on vacations but it becomes disheartening when plans have to be cancelled over and over again. We have had to cancel a Mediterranean cruise, a trip to London and Paris, and most recently a trip to Italy all due to my health. We try to book our trips close to the time we will be vacationing. For our Italy trip we booked 8 weeks out. I was feeling great at the time of booking and was pretty confident I would still feel great in 8 weeks. I was so wrong.

Lesions on my liver started to grow and I needed to begin a new treatment. This oral treatment made me feel very weak and tired. There was no way I could walk the beautiful streets of Italy. CANCELLED!

One word of advice from me when planning a trip is to always buy the trip insurance and make sure it includes pre-existing conditions.

Although I missed Italy, I was able to enjoy a New Year’s Eve cruise to the Bahamas. The weather was not the best, but it was nice to get away and spend time with family. Three of my siblings and their families joined us. It was wonderful to be able to relax and hang with them.

When I returned from the cruise I began to notice some bothersome side effects. Along with fatigue, I was experiencing bone pain and numbness on the right side of my chin and inside my mouth. I recently had scans and all look good. I will continue on the same treatment since lesions on my liver are shrinking. We will deal with the unpleasant side effects.

The MRI I received is a little concerning. The radiologist noticed a spot. He called my oncologist and asked her if I had a stroke. WTF?! A STROKE?! My oncologist does not believe this spot has anything to with a stroke. Most likely it is a new cancer growth that needs to be zapped. I am going for a follow up MRI in three weeks. I will then meet with both my radiation and medical oncologist to discuss what this spot is and how we will deal with it. More planning… appointments, scans, Oy vey.

Life continues……

HAPPY NEW YEAR

The Good And The Bad

This time of year is magical and full of wonder as we celebrate the winter holidays. It also brings up many emotions as we think of those who have passed, are ill, or are going through a rough time.

Last week I was on a roller coaster of emotions. I was thrilled to read about a friend who I met in Pilates class years ago who just celebrated seven years cancer free. I was also informed that a high school friend passed away who I had reconnected with. We shared thoughts on treatments, blood transfusions, side effects and how we mutually hated cancer.

While I am so happy for my friend and others who are living with NED (no evidence of disease), I’m sad and angry for those who succumb to this disease. Why do good people die too young? Of course, no one has the answer, but I do take comfort knowing my friend is no longer suffering. She will be missed.

It’s natural to think of our own mortality when someone dies, especially when you have a terminal disease like metastatic breast cancer. While I do plan for the day when I no longer will be on this earth, I also feel invincible. I feel like I will live forever, but I know this is not true. While I’m living my life I will continue to enjoy every day, enjoy new experiences, and make lots of memories with family and friends.’

Now, on to happier moments.

This week in my home we are celebrating Chanukah. It’s a joyous holiday. We light the menorah for eight nights. We remember the miracle that happened about 2,000 years ago when there was only enough oil to light a Temple for one day, but miraculously lasted for eight days. Do you believe in miracles? I do.

My son, Max, is coming home soon after he finishes his college finals. Although he couldn’t celebrate Chanukah with us, it will be wonderful to have my family together again. And, in a couple of weeks I will get to see three of my siblings (minus 1) and their families. Yay!

As for me, I am feeling well. I’m a bit tired and weak from the meds, but all my blood work looks good. I’ll be getting scans in mid January and depending on the results, we’ll decide if I want to stay on these meds.

I hope all of you are feeling well, and enjoying this holiday season. Happy Chanukah, Merry Christmas and Happy Kwanza. I wish you all a very happy New Year filled with love, laughter, good health and peace.