Tired… Physically and of Cancer

Today I took the day off… from doing anything. I didn’t shower, stayed in my pajamas, and didn’t make the bed. I ALWAYS make my bed. Today, I just didn’t have the energy, and that’s okay.

I was seen by my nurse practitioner last week for a regular checkup and blood work. According to my blood work it appears my red blood count cells are on the low side. We think this may be from one of my medicines and why I feel such fatigue.

I was told to take a five day break from this medicine in hopes that the low counts would rise, but during this break I actually started feeling worse.

I recently had an appointment with my endocrinologist to check on the thyroid cancer. All is fine, but while I was there, I asked to have blood work done to see what the heck is going on with the red blood counts. Turns out they didn’t rise, they didn’t go down, but remained the same. Hmmm…. we will definitely be monitoring this situation in case I need a blood transfusion.

Because of the red blood counts being low, I am very tired and weak and it’s difficult to do things. This week, showering used up a lot of my already low energy. I have to sit down and rest when I get out of the shower before I get dressed. Going up the stairs wipes me out as well as do many activities. Thankfully, for some of these activities my awesome family picks up the slack.

I feel terrible about not feeling well this week. Max is on his spring break and I wanted to cook some of his favorite meals. Instead he needed to help me. Michaela and Mark too.

Mark knew I was upset about not feeling well and gave me a great big hug. I gave him a good cry. I needed a release. I’m tired of living with metastatic breast cancer. I’m tired of feeling like shit. I’m tired of having to go to Dana Farber all the time. I’m tired of being sick and tired.

Boy, that felt great to get off my chest. I feel so much better emotionally after having that cry with Mark. I find a good cry to be very cathartic. If you need a release, try it. I bet you’ll feel better.

The treatment I was on prior to this one was very tolerable. I felt as if I didn’t have cancer while I was on it. I had an appetite and lots of energy. I felt invincible. Unfortunately, like many of my treatments, it stopped working.

In two weeks I will know if my present treatment is working. I will be getting scans and will meet with Dr. Mayer. While I certainly hope the scans look good, I dislike very much being on this treatment because of the way it makes feel.

As for the squiggle in my brain, we still do not know what it is. I had an MRI recently, and the squiggle appears smaller. We’re doing a wait and see approach with another MRI in seven weeks to see if it’s still shrinking.

Thank you my dear Mermaids for letting me do some venting. Metastatic breast cancer sucks, but my life is wonderful. I will continue marching forward….unless it takes too much energy, then I’ll walk.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!